“A Marriage Made in Heaven” - Offense & Defense
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Big Idea:
Big Idea:
Practical steps from Scripture for a flourishing marriage. If they work for our relationship with Jesus, they work for us too (connection between marriage and church).
Intro:
Intro:
King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived (apart of Jesus, obviously), wrote…
What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.
He had his own reason for writing this, but here’s the reason I’m starting this way: It’s football season!
The preseason is underway and it already looks like another rough season for my team, the New York Football Giants.
The TRC Fantasy Football League is having it’s annual draft party this Wednesday.
[Jeff Williams has likely purchased his ticket to see the Ravens play at least once…]
And for those who have been at The River Church for more than a year, you know that during this season, 63.7% of my sermon illustrations will come from football.
There is truly nothing new under the sun!
However, there is something different this year. Something I haven’t experienced in almost 6 years. I’m a little sad about it…
I love sports. I love my sons. I have 3 sons. Only 1 of them plays sports.
So, I’ve been passionately helping coach his teams (both football and basketball) since 3rd grade.
But this year, he’s a freshman at Glastonbury High School. Which means, I’m officially retired from coaching because they have people who know what they’re doing in high school sports.
I’m sad about this. I love coaching. While I’m looking forward to just watching my son play, I’m going to miss being on the sidelines. So, I need to redirect all of this sports energy I usually expend… so I apologize in advance if the percentage of football sermon illustrations increases…
It’s definitely going to increase today. So, let’s just get it over with…
In football, there are 3 basic parts to the game:
Offense
Defense
Special Teams.
And today, in our “A Marriage Made in Heaven” series, I think we can look at winning in marriage that way too. In marriage, there are…
Things we can do offensively to win.
Things we can do defensively to win.
And things we can do during special transitions in this game of life that’ll help us win.
But I also want to add this. Lately, I’ve noticed how living with Jesus as Lord (which is what we’re focusing on this year as a church) isn’t that complicated. In fact, we already know how to do it. We are already practicing the things that would help us follow Jesus, we’re just doing them directed at the wrong things…
For example, think about this offensive practice that can help us win in our marriage… [btw… your notes are a little different today. There’s fill-in the blanks for you to follow along…]
Offense:
Offense:
In marriage, a husband and wife should…
Worship together.
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Church, you already know how to do this…
Many of us are gearing up to cheer for our favorite football teams. Now, recently, the local teams (Giants and Patriots) haven’t had much to cheer about. But remember the good ol days when these teams were winning Super Bowls? Remember, how the Giants beat the Patriots (and the great Tom Brady)… TWICE?
In those days, we cheered often! And I’m almost positive it didn’t look like the way we currently worship. Many of us worship like we’re watching paint dry. But when football comes on, we’re a different person!
My friends, at the very least, we have it backwards…
Worship is spending time with the King - and He is good! All the time. [And if He ain’t… then you lying! In the rain, in that shine, God is good all the time!]
We were made to worship with passion! To be expressively joyful, regardless of personality. How do I know this? Because introverts (like myself) jump and yell at the TV during sports.
In that moment, I’m kinda “worshiping.” I’m expressing praise towards something or someone I that has value or worth in my life. That’s what worship is!
God made us to worship. That’s what Paul’s getting at in Romans 12. In our sin, we worship the things of the world. Why? Because we were made to worship. We’re going to worship something. It’s ingrained in us to respond this way…
The difference is - when Jesus saves us - we finally redirect that worship to where it was always mean to be - towards the One True God. And in a marriage, it’s important for a husband and wife to worship together.
Because the two should become one. If they don’t worship together, their lives will spiritually be headed in opposing directions.
And it’ll tear the relationship apart.
Healthy marriages require Jesus at the center.
Don’t discount the power of worship. It’s very similar to the “12th man.” In football, there are 11 players, from each team, on the field at any given time. A 12th man is an advantage. And the 12th man are the fans who passionately cheer for their home team. It can literally help the team win.
Worship can help your marriage win.
And here’s why this matters to unmarried people…
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
As you seek a relationship, it is biblically wise that your partner is someone who loves Jesus too. If not, you’re potentially setting yourself up for a lot of tension. Because you can’t worship Light and darkness at the same time. It’s like a Giants fan dating an Eagles fan…
2. Prioritize their spouse.
9 times out of 10, the most important person on the football field is the Quarterback. He is the offensive general. Many times he’s the highest paid player. And right behind him is usually the offensive lineman protecting his blindside (demonstrate?). Why? Because football teams prioritize the QB.
When married, the most important person in your life is your spouse. Husbands and wives prioritize each other. In Ephesian 5 says…
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
As Paul is wrapping up his teaching on biblical marriage, basically he says “If you remember, remember this: PRIORITIZE YOUR SPOUSE.”
If you are married, with the exception of the Lord Jesus, the most important person in your life is your spouse…
Not your mom.
Not your kids.
Not your boss.
Your spouse.
If you want to win in marriage, prioritize your spouse.
And if you’re not married, here’s the lesson for you: PRIORITIZE JESUS. The apostle Paul told the Corinthians…
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.
Paul is not saying marriage is bad, but simply emphasizing - to the married and unmarried - this is all about Jesus. Prioritize Him.
In other words, married people:
Prioritize Jesus.
Then, prioritize your spouse, who is a gift from Jesus.
Unmarried people:
Prioritize Jesus.
Alright, here’s the third offensive way to win in marriage…
3. Know your spouse:
And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
We talked about this verse last week, but eternal life (heaven) isn’t a location. Heaven is a relationship with God. True life is having our sins (which separated us from God) forgiven and having our relationship with our Heavenly Father restored. We were created to intimately KNOW our Creator.
And marriage (the intimate relationship between a husband and wife) is supposed to be a reflection of our relationship with God. Therefore, in a healthy marriage, you should KNOW YOUR SPOUSE.
God created your spouse with a unique set of gifts, passions, and experiences. Those things shape who they are. But they are also given as part of God’s plan to accomplish His will in their lives. And as a spouse, it is our responsibility to KNOW our spouse, so we can help them flourish in whatever God is calling them to.
In football, there are many different offensive positions: Quarterback, Running back, Wide Receiver, Tight End, and the Offensive Line. They are all different and have different purposes. If you don’t know your players, you won’t put them in the right spots. And it’ll significantly impact your ability to win.
The same is true with marriage. You must know your spouse to put them in a position to win…
There are so many tools that can help us with this…
A personal favorite of mine is the DISC profile. You can find one free online. Although this isn’t inherently Christian, it does help us understand how God created our personalities and dispositions. A DISC profile can help you KNOW your spouse!
Do you know your spouse’s spiritual gifts. When your spouse turned from their sins and put their faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit filled them and gave them spiritual gifts. These gifts help them walk in the good things God planned for them. And since you are “one” with them, you should KNOW your spouse’s gifts so you can help them serve Jesus. And we have a spiritual gifts test you can take on our website [QR code].
Or, do you know your spouse’s “Love language?” Gary Chapman is a pastor and well-known marriage counselor discovered 5 basic categories that define how humans were created to give and receive love. They are:
Words of Affirmation.
Acts of Service.
Receiving Gifts.
Quality Time.
Physical Touch.
I asked Janelle what her love language is: She said “It’s ‘leave me alone.’” I don’t remember that as an option…
But, husband and wives can have different personalities, spiritual gifts, and LOVE LANGUAGES. And it’s important that we KNOW our spouse, so we can love them well.
For example, maybe a wife’s love language is “words of affirmation.” But the husband is “receiving gifts” If you don’t KNOW your wife, you could give her gifts when what really allows her to flourish is verbal encouragement.
Here’s the Scriptural principle at play…
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,
If Heaven is knowing Jesus.
And Philippians tells us Jesus takes the time to know us.
Then, you can bring a little bit of heaven into your marriage by taking time to KNOW your spouse.
Let’s transition to Defense…
Defense:
Defense:
I love defense. It’s why I became a Giants fan at 10 years old in 1990. Lawrence Taylor.
When I was in 8th grade playing flag football, the coach asked me, “Do you want to play offense or defense?” Most kids immediately say offense. Every one wants a chance to score. But, I shocked him by saying, “Put me on defense. I want to be a linebacker!”
I love defense; so, I’m excited to give you 4 practical steps to protect your marriage (to play defense!)…
My job on the coaching team was the defensive scout. I would spend hours upon hours figuring out the opposing team’s offense. So much so that I eventually had to set limits on how much time I could dedicate to this because it was hurting my marriage!
Although football is a pretty simple game, the combination of different players, coaches, and plays make each team unique. On defense, your plan can’t assume every team will attack the same way. You need to know how your opponent attacks to defend well.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
One thing this teaches us is human conflict is spiritual in nature. The arguments a husband and wife have are not solely due to selfishness. They are spiritual. Darkness is trying to influence and destroy your marriage that is supposed to give God glory. And you can’t fight spiritual things physically. You need spiritual weapons.
Therefore, you need to…
Pray for your spouse.
Simply put, prayer is a conversation with God. So, to be very practical…
Talk to God about your spouse.
Hear from God about your spouse.
And if you need some help on what to say, think about two things:
Be honest with God about your spouse. He already knows. He’s God. He can handle the truth.
Pray Scripture over your spouse. For example…
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
So, pray like this… [Pray the verse]
Prayer changes things. So, pray for your spouse! And connected to what I just said…
2. Cover your spouse with God’s Word:
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
This verse talks about how Jesus cleansed us by His living Word. But, as you know, it’s in the context of marriage… and it implies that both the husband and wife (with the husband taking the lead on this) are in the word of God.
My friends, sin is no joke. Sin kills. Sin destroys. It will destroy your life. And it will destroy your marriage. And the Bible says…
Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.
At it’s core, sin is breaking God’s law… or not obeying what God says. And the way you know what God says is by reading His Word.
Even on defense, there are plays. You need to know the plays, to do the right thing, so you will be in a position to win. If you are out of position, your opponent will expose that and attack.
We have a real enemy in this world. The devil and his army of spiritual darkness. They hate you. And they are looking for weaknesses in your marriage to attack.
My friends, we are on the winning team. God’s team. But if you don’t know God’s word, or what it says about marriage and life, you’ll be out of position and the enemy will expose it and attack. You won’t be able to protect your marriage.
in our modern cultural context, we have no excuse for not knowing God’s word…
We can read.
Bibles are readily accessible.
In fact, if you have a smartphone, you can download the YouVersion Bible app and have God’s Word with you at all times, because you know you ain’t leaving the house without your phone!
If you haven’t already, at the very least, download the YouVersion Bible app. Then, the next time your bored, before you jump on social media, play that game, or watch that movie… read God’s Word and learn to protect your marriage.
And one right thing to do - according to God’s Word - that many of us don’t know (or aren’t taking seriously), yet may be significantly hurting our marriages is…
3. Resting with your spouse:
And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.
Notice how the author (Moses) put evening first, then morning… instead of our modern way of thinking of a day as morning then evening. That’s intentional…
Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.
Later on in Scripture, God gives a specific command to humans to rest. But from the beginning, He sets up the divine rhythm. Six days or work. One day of rest. That’s what God did. And it’s what we should do.
Rest is important. Especially since the day of rest (Sabbath) is a holy day. For God’s people, rest is when we can be refreshed and reconnect with God. We need that because…
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
We are designed to connect with God. Therefore, we NEED that day of rest. Additionally, remember that evening-morning thing. Here’s the message that is creatively being preached through the intentional word order…
We are not designed to work FOR (or to earn) rest.
God designed us to work FROM rest. “Evening” first. We rest. We connect with God. Then, we work for God.
We need rest. And in your marriage, spouses need to rest - and rest together - if they want to protect their marriage.
And I know… you don’t have time to rest… to take a full day off. I will try to say this as politely as possible: YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
God rested. And you don’t need to?
Additionally, you need to be connected to God to do anything (apart from Him you can do nothing). In other words, God has chosen to partner with us in accomplishing His work.
Now, think about this: God is perfect. You are not. If you are partnering with Him, which partner is capable of messing up? You! Me!
And if God tell us to rest, but we tell Him, “I can’t. I have too much to do!” Here’s what’s REALLY happening…
Either, you’re doing more than God wants you to do.
Or, intentionally or not, you’re telling God you don’t trust Him. Your rebellion against rest says, “God, I don’t trust my life or this work into your perfect hands.”
I know… OUCH! Here’s the easy, practical fix to the problem: Take a day off.
You might have to shift some things around. It’ll be worth it because it’ll protect your marriage!
4. Communicate with your spouse.
I got good news for us today. Jesus defeated the devil at the cross!
…however, the devil is not dead. But, God’s word does tell us He’s been defeated and disarmed. So, why does he still create so much havoc in this world? Because… he has one weapon left… In the words of Jesus, “He is a liar.” (Jn 8:44).
And the devil lies to your spouse about your marriage. He spreads lies in your family to divide you and put you against each other. Because that’s the only weapon he has. But… while we never want to give him too much credit, we don’t want to ignore him either. He is an effective liar.
And without clear communication… without the truth, his lies will create confusion and chaos in your marriage. So, the practical step is… communicate with your spouse. Take time to talk to them. Talk about everything. The two shall be one! And the “truth shall set you free.” (Jn 8:32)
And before we move onto Special Teams, I need to mention this… most of these practical steps I got from other church members this week. Like communication with your spouse came from both Brandon and Jazmin, and James and Emily.
And here’s the bonus lesson… we win in marriage by living in community. God has given a lot of collective wisdom to His people. And He calls us to live in relationship with other people - both married and unmarried.
In an age where we are quick to run to Google, or professional experts, or books… there is Holy Spirit power available to those who run to their church family. As the Scripture says…
Where there is no guidance, a people falls,
but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
In Christ, God has given you an abundance of godly counselors to help your flourish in marriage and in life! And a good place to connect with your church family is in Life Groups. If you’re not in one, join one!
Special Teams:
Special Teams:
Alright, special teams. So, if you don’t know anything about football, think about special teams this way: These are short transitions in the game, between offense and defense, that can - honestly - win or lose a game.
And in marriage, there are seasonal, intentional strategies that can make a huge impact in life. So, here’s the first special step I’d like to share…
Make important decisions as one.
In this life, there will be certain decisions that you will need to make that are life-changing. Like they can change the trajectory of your life. Therefore, much consideration needs to be taken to make the right decision.
And one way Janelle and I have handled these rare, but important decisions, is by taking the following verse LITERALLY…
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
When there is a major decision that needs to be made, because God has made us one, we will not move forward until God has spoken to both of us and that decision in in unity.
It’s super frustrating, especially to an impatient person like me.
But God has always been faithful in this process. And it’s been a game changer leading to a lot of victories in our life… including moving to CT and planting this church!
2. Invest in a Marriage Retreat!
Many of you know we just had our first marriage retreat. It was amazing. It was so good. Pastor Jon and Jackie did an amazing job. And I’m already looking forward to the next time. And I’m pretty confident that everyone who went feels the same way. It was a special time of strengthening our marriages God’s way.
Marriage Retreats can’t happen all the time. They are special, strategic times. They are like when the punter or kicker come into the game. These guys rarely play, but when they do, it matters.
And next time we have a marriage retreat. Sign up - because this kind of investment matters!
I got one more for special teams…
Last week, Lisa Scarola’s parents were visiting. They shared with me they were celebrating 60 years of marriage! That’s amazing. And I had to ask them, “What’s one practical thing that helped you stay married so long?” They said, “We had fun.”
3. Have fun.
So simple. And so biblical too.
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
God wants you to have fun in this life, especially in your marriage.
The book of Proverbs (the book of wisdom) says…
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
God wants us to enjoy this life - married or not. Following Jesus isn’t boring. It’s the greatest, most fun adventure you can imagine! Have fun in your marriage. And have fun following Jesus.
Response:
Response:
As we close, I hope this has been an opportunity for you to learn some biblical and practical steps to WIN in marriage. Whether it’s offense, defense, or special teams.
I also want to encourage you to see how all of these steps point to having a healthy relationship with Jesus too, which is the greater purpose of marriage anyways.
So, as a practical way to respond to today’s sermon, pick a couple of things to focus on this week, practice them, and see what God does. [Hopefully you took notes]
Don’t be intimidated. Just start doing the next right thing. Again, I’m convinced we’re all doing this stuff already… we just need to direct that energy towards Jesus now. So, let’s get started!
Communion:
Communion:
Let’s pray…
Father, we thank you for this time. God, we thank you that part of the gospel is the how you have made things simple. It’s not complicated to thrive in marriage. And it’s not complicated to follow You. But we do need to be connected to You to do both. So, please help us. Forgive us for our sin. Fill us with Your Spirit. Help us to experience Your victory. In Jesus name, amen.